OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
ttyl tear gas
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
