i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
