My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
