Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
