problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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