Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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