hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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