what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
