I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
