I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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