Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
