what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
