if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
