"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
