i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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