this beer tastes like vomit already
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Text me some of your sweat
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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