I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
