You made me cry and you don't even care
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
