My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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