I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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