Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Randomize
