she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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