the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Send help, water and tortillas.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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