If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
