Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
