White coat. Heels.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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