I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
