He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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