I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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