it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
