worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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