hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
