I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
