Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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