I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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