i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize