Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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