I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
