I got chris browned last night
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
