His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
