no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he fucked my hip out of place.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
