we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
