i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
