remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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