Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
