there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
