Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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