So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
