cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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