if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
