so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
