I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
